Friday, May 1, 2009

Pizza Orgasmica, San Francisco CA

After a long walk to the Golden Gate Bridge – on a day when it just so happened to rain and wind gusts reached 33mph on the Bridge – and myriad pictures it was time to make my way back to the Hotel for my drive north to Napa/Yountville for lunch at Redd and dinner at Ad-Hoc (assuming their menu wouldn’t be as beefy as during my previous trip.) Having had breakfast at Dottie’s early I decided to head down Fillmore and see if anything caught my eye – retail or food. Ironically, what caught my eye first was something so audacious that I had to stop in – a nude Adam feeding pizza to a nude Eve and a sign that read Pizza Orgasmica.

Entering the tiny restaurant I literally laughed out loud – everything from the titles (Doggy Style, Farmer’s Daughter, MILF, etc) to the art (animals engaged in intercourse,) to the soundtrack (sex sounds over bad porn music) was hilarious. Out of my amusement I think I missed the first hello from the man behind the register which apparently triggered a second (louder) hello that made me actually focus on the food. At first I considered simply walking out, but when I saw the cornmeal crust and a pizza topped with feta, sundried tomatoes, and spinach I had to try a slice. One slice of Cheeky Tomato to go I stated.

Taking the slice from a pan directly in front of me and placing it on porcelain plate the server quoted me my total. Handing him my credit card (I don’t carry cash...sigh…) I swear he rolled his eyes at me. Running the card he handed me metal silverware and at this point I reminded him it was “to go.” “Oh, you should’ve said so, let me warm it up for you then” …I’m not sure if this meant I was supposed to eat it cold if I ate it inside, but I let it go. Tossing the slice back into the oven for about 20 seconds it was removed, placed in a paper box, and handed to me with my receipt. While I normally wouldn’t tip someone for taking a pre-prepped food and half-assed re-baking it, the receipt did indeed have a tip line on it and I rounded up the total to $4.00 – adding 29 cents. Taking the receipt from me the clerk stated “is that it? Pfff, bro” before walking away. While I wish I’d have requested a 29 cent refund I instead simply left with my pizza.

Eating on the walk I will admit that the pizza was quite good – flavorful and light feta, wonderfully fresh spinach, and tart/garlicky tomatoes sat atop a solid and crisp cornmeal crust. For the price I’ll additionally admit that the slice was quite large – though not quite as large as the server’s sense of entitlement. Clever concept? Sure. Good pizza? Yep. Good service? Nope. Sorry world, I don’t give tips for putting something on a plate, just like I don’t tip baristas for pouring coffee from a pot into a cup.

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